


Is that what we are, friends?

by Blackwidowislyfe



Series: They say the first day is always the hardest [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bed-Wetting, Cuddles, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Past Torture, Mentions of past abuse, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Swearing, Teddy Bears, Triggers, only in the beginning though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 09:57:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4621017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackwidowislyfe/pseuds/Blackwidowislyfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Clint takes Natasha shopping at the mall for the first time, and she makes a new friend! Well, after yet another hiccup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is that what we are, friends?

* * * *

 

_"STOP!" She begged, before she felt another hand come down on her again. "Please, I'll be good! I promise!"_

_  
_ _"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU USELESS BITCH!" A fist collided with her face, sending her into blackness._

 

* * * *

 

She woke, tears in her eyes as she screamed. She frantically looked around, grateful Clint hadn't come in like last time. Her breathing became less frantic but more ragged as she settled down. It was then that she felt it: the sheets were soaked underneath her. She groaned. She had very little in the way of clothing to begin with, and these accidents weren't helping. She angrily got out of bed, stripping the sheets and herself before going to shower.

 

* * *

 

"So I heard you've been screaming in your sleep," Nina said. She told Natasha that if she didn't like doctors to just call her whatever she felt comfortable with. She said she wanted Natasha to trust her. "Are you still having bad dreams?"

 

Natasha nodded slowly. "Usually it's about my first handlers," She said slowly. "They weren't the nicest people."

 

"I can imagine," Nina said. "Do you feel ready to tell me what they did?"

 

Natasha shrugged. "Didn't someone tell you?"

 

"No, we only know what we found out a few days ago," She said calmly.

 

Natasha took a shaky breath. "They used to beat me up," She said. "When I wasn't good enough or fast enough, they'd hit me. They said I was worthless, and maybe they should just kill me like the other failures."

 

"You know you're not a failure, right?" Nina said. Natasha shrugged. "Natasha, you're human. There are things outside of your control, and you were wrong to be punished for them, alright? Try and remember that."

 

"It wasn't outside of my control when I had accidents on missions," She scoffed.

 

"Yes, it was," Nina countered. "Your body can only take so much Natasha. Try and remember you're not the reason the world is a horrible place. You might have done bad things, but you didn't get a say in them, alright?" Natasha nodded slowly. "I'm proud of you for opening up today. I'll see you back on Friday."

 

* * *

 

"So how did it go?" Clint asked as they walked back to his quarters. She shrugged. She didn't feel like discussing therapy yet. "Okay then. Look, the SHIELD clothing is knd of boring, and not everyone has a leather fetish, so I was thinking we could go shopping today if you wanted."

 

"Shopping?" Natasha asked. "As in a shopping center?"

 

"In America we call them malls. You've never been, have you?" He asked. She shook her head. "Good, because I needed to get to the mall anyways to get some stuff for Phil. We'll go after we have lunch with Him."

 

* * *

 

Turns out Phil had to work through lunch so CLINT had decided Natasha needed to try this greasy sandwich that they sold at the mall called a "Cheese Steak." It tasted like a million calories in the best way. As they finished eating, he lead her to their first stop, a store that looked like a clothing bomb had gone off. "Why are the people twenty-one forever? Is it because the store is so messy?" She asked.

 

CLINT chuckled. "They aren't, it's just the name of the store. It has something to do with looking young," he explained. "Anyways, I'll be in the guys section. You look around and find some stuff, okay?"

 

Natasha nodded. Surely they had SOMETHING in this mess that she would like. She scanned the sections close by Clint, finding some skinny jeans and basic tops, and some that were what they called "crop tops." She had never seen so much, and they had EVERYTHING here. Clothes and bras and underwear, and pajamas too. 

 

Finally Clint came over, some shirts in his hands. "You want to try any of that on?" He asked, noting the ever growing stack in her hands. She shook her head. He shrugged, leading the way to the cash registers. Her stomach dropped when she realized Clint was the only one of the two of them with any way to pay for anything. 

 

"Maybe I should put this-"

 

"Don't even start. I wouldn't offer to take you shopping if I minded paying," CLINT said politely.

 

"But I have no way to pay you back," She said, knowing there was ONE way... But she doubted that was what CLINT wanted.

 

"Hey, it's no big deal, really," he insisted. "I don't mind spending money on you. That's what friends do. Well, sometimes anyways."

 

"That's what we are? Friends?" She asked hopefully.

 

Clint smiled. "Yeah, that's exactly what we are," He answered confidently. Natasha kept her mouth shut as CLINT checked them out, cringing at the total. As soon as she came into some money, she decided she would pay Clint back for this. They spent the rest of their afternoon wandering around the mall. They bought Clint new running shoes, A few ties for Phil, and Natasha a few pairs of socks. But when they passed the toy store, Natasha couldn't stop herself from asking if they could go inside.

  
"Ummm sure," He said. He didn't want to discourage her actually speaking up. She smiled and tugged him by the wrist inside. It was an interesting place, filled with trains that ran on tracks around the walls, colorful blocks and books lining some shelves, dolls and action figures lining another and  _THERE._ It's the display of stuffed animals that had pulled her attention inside the store. And there, sitting on the top shelf, she finds it.

 

The bear is hot pink with white swirls and a little black nose and a brown bow around its neck. It's unique, a little strange and a little girly. Natasha quietly picks him up, runs her fingers over the soft fur on his body before she cuddles it.

 

"Do you want it?" Clint asks with an amused smile. Natasha blushes a deep shade of red.  _WEAKNESS!_ her mind screams, and suddenly it's all she can do to keep from crying and screaming. Her breaths start to hitch and the panic must be evident on her face because Clint has his arms around her suddenly. And the weird thing is, she doesn't attack him for it. Somehow this feels right. As she realizes he's talking to her, she begins to listen closely to him.

  
"....Breathe Tasha. I can't help you if you don't talk to me," He murmurs. "I'm sorry if I upset you."

  
"Y-you- didn't," She gasped. God that sounded so  _WEAK_. "S-sorry."

 

"Tasha, breathe, just try and relax, okay? I'll call Phil," Clint said calmly. Oh God. IF they went home, that meant she was going to be punished for this. She whimpered. She didn't want to be punished. She wanted to be good. Good girls didn't have panic attacks. She couldn't stop the hysterical tears as Clint lead her to his car. So much for a good day.

 

* * *

 

"Hey Tasha," Clint said with a smile as he entered her room later that night. Oh God, here it came. He had left her alone after they had gotten back. She had cried herself to sleep and woke up crying and soaked. She had found her bag of clothes by the door, and all of them were there. That just meant he was taunting her. She looked up at him with nervous eyes.

 

Clint quietly came in to the room. "So... I get it. I mean I had my fair share of panic attacks when I first came here too. And over really silly things. Like when Phil and I were on a mission in Kentucky trying to stop some drug lord, and we went to this barbecue place-"

 

"Does this story have a point or is listening to you babble my punishment?" Natasha asked before her hands flew over her mouth. "I'm sorry I didn't-"

 

"Tasha," Clint said sadly, "Why would you think.... Actually, yeah I can see where that could be your logic. But you're not getting punished. I'll never punish you for something out of your control. I- WE came in here to cheer you up." He pulled the teddy bear from behind his back, the very same one that she had had the panic attack over.

 

"You... you got it!" She squealed, taking the bear and smooshing it to her chest. "Oh thank you Clint thank you thank you thank you!"

 

"You're welcome," He smiled. "Glad I could make you feel better."

 

Natasha examined the bear happily. "Did you mean it when you said you would never punish me?" She asked.

 

"Yeah. Phil would kill me if I did, and then he'd have to fill out at least fifty forms," Clint said with a smirk. "Plus, my parents kind of smacked me and my brother around before they died. It wasn't too much better when I was in the circus either. I made my brother a promise I'd never 'punish' anyone."

 

Natasha smiled. "I'm glad," She said.

**Author's Note:**

> Before you ask: I work in retail, and after seeing the pristine cleanliness of my store, Forever 21 always looks like a hot mess to me. ALSO: I am not 100 percent sure on Clint's backstory, so I went with what I've read, and then threw in a little of my own. Hope it translates well and I hope you enjoyed!


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